The Line Between Logic and Belief

I have a love of logic and reasoning.

I feel as though in so many situations it is better to think about what is logical, what is reasonable at that exact moment than to let your emotions take the wheel and lead you down a path that is potentially destructive to your personhood.

Emotions are volatile.

They fluctuate with what you are experiencing and what other people around you are experiencing.

They don’t make sense most of the time.

And how many times have you acted out of an emotion and had it cause a lot of damage to a relationship?

I know I have more times that I would like to admit.

Logic and reason are constant though.

I become comfortable when dealing with these.

They make sense.

They follow a set pattern.

When I get overly emotional about something and I am not completely sure what course of action to take, the logical, reasonable option is usually the one that I will end up taking. Whatever makes the most sense in my own mind.

But that, my friends, is where the problem lies.

I have been realizing more and more lately how much I lean on logic and reason. I pride myself on being a woman of reason, a lover of all that is logical, sensibleness is high-standing.

When you look at life like this, there is no room for God.

God is not logical.

God is not reasonable.

Gosh darn it, God makes no sense!

And I’ve been running full force into a brick wall lately with this concept.

Yes, I believe in God, but at the same time, I cannot truly say that I am whole-heartedly comfortable with that.

The concept of God goes against my grain.

As I touched on last night, how much of the Christian experience is a product of environment? How much is manufactured by those in control?

And do I love God just because I grew up loving God? 

Because I feel like I should believe in God?

I’m sure there are people out there that would read this and be shocked, call me a heretic for asking such questions, for thinking such thoughts, for meditating on things that could be labeled "un-Christian".

So, call me a bad Christian if you wish.

Personally, I do not think that doubting is a bad thing.

Think about it.

If you did not ask hard questions of yourself, if you never asked yourself why you believe in what you believe, could it be true?

If you’re married, you know your spouse loves you. But, (although I have never been married) I have to believe that there are times of doubt. There are times when you wonder, does this person truly care? But I’m sure when you come out of that, you love the person even more. They stood by you, proved over and over again that they deeply love and care about you. Your love intensifies.

So, why can’t it be the same way with God?

I want to ask hard questions.

I want to doubt Him occasionally because I believe whole heartedly that I will love Him even more when He proves to me, yes, I’m here.

When, after all my doubts, after all my questions, after all my searching, He looks down at me and says, “I’m still here. I’m still God. And I still love you.”

I am not afraid of doubting.

I can only hope and believe that my doubts and my searching for answers in God’s word will draw me closer to His heart and reinforce those beliefs engrained in me as a child in Sunday-school.

And I pray that you begin to ask yourself these questions too.