Father's day is an interesting conundrum for me.
I have very rarely spent father's day with my own biological father, and it has only been for the past few years that I spent father's day with a father figure.
And now, I'm back to spending father's day on my own in a sense.
This morning I was thinking about the past few father's days that I spent with David.
A couple years back on father's day, my mom was out of town, and my brother was busy somewhere else, so it was just David and I.
We didn't really have anywhere to go, so he wanted to do something fun with me.
He decided that it would be fun for him to teach me one of his old hobbies.
Golf.
So, after church, we went home, grabbed his old, dusty set of golf clubs and headed out to the driving range in Lima.
I remember being so disgusted by the golfing world.
I wasn't prissy, didn't look like I belonged on the golf course, wasn't good at hitting the ball, etc.
I think I even tossed out that golf was just an excuse for men to drive around in mini cars and hit things with sticks.
But, I remember that he enjoyed that so much.
He enjoyed taking me out and teaching me something new.
It meant a lot to me that he wanted to do that.
And, even though I complained and bucked about golfing, it is now a fond memory of David that I will forever treasure.
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life. Show all posts
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
Been a While
It's been a little over two months since I wrote my last blog.
I got caught up in the winds of change, and have not made time to update the world on my life.
I was dealing with losing my wonderful stepfather, and I still deal with this loss on a daily basis. Some days are better than others.
I have stepped into an amazing relationship with my best friend. I fall more and more in love with him every day that I spend with him.
I miraculously made it through the gauntlet of finals and came out, not a failure, but someone on the Dean's Higher list.
I started up a summer job, working on the same team of painters at my college as I was on last summer. It's a steady job, and that's all I can really ask for at this point in life.
With all these changes, I have had to reshuffle how life goes on.
Time seems more sparse than it ever has before, and yet in some ways, I feel like I have all the time in the world.
I guess it is simply an adaptation process, and soon enough it will seem no different from anything else.
I got caught up in the winds of change, and have not made time to update the world on my life.
I was dealing with losing my wonderful stepfather, and I still deal with this loss on a daily basis. Some days are better than others.
I have stepped into an amazing relationship with my best friend. I fall more and more in love with him every day that I spend with him.
I miraculously made it through the gauntlet of finals and came out, not a failure, but someone on the Dean's Higher list.
I started up a summer job, working on the same team of painters at my college as I was on last summer. It's a steady job, and that's all I can really ask for at this point in life.
With all these changes, I have had to reshuffle how life goes on.
Time seems more sparse than it ever has before, and yet in some ways, I feel like I have all the time in the world.
I guess it is simply an adaptation process, and soon enough it will seem no different from anything else.
Wednesday, April 13, 2011
A Tale of Two Men
Six and a half years ago a man stepped into my life who changed everything.
He fell in love with my wonderful mother, my amazing brother, and I.
He married my mother only five and a half years ago, and quickly became another father to my brother and I, loving us like we were his own children.
He showed us what a relationship was supposed to look like.
He raised the bar for any friendship, any relationship, any man who would come in my life.
He taught us how to love and be loved.
This past Saturday, April 9th, 2011, my amazing stepfather, David, slipped into eternity to forever be with his savior.
He fell in love with my wonderful mother, my amazing brother, and I.
He married my mother only five and a half years ago, and quickly became another father to my brother and I, loving us like we were his own children.
He showed us what a relationship was supposed to look like.
He raised the bar for any friendship, any relationship, any man who would come in my life.
He taught us how to love and be loved.
This past Saturday, April 9th, 2011, my amazing stepfather, David, slipped into eternity to forever be with his savior.
Two months ago, I met a man who stepped into my life almost the same way David did.
I met him quite by accident, but we quickly became friends.
Best friends.
He made it clear that he was interested in pursuing me beyond a friendship, interested in dating me.
He wanted my mother and stepfather's approval first, and I felt the same.
When David fell ill almost four weeks ago now, we were hoping to meet with my parents once he returned to health in order to get their approval of our relationship.
When David went into the hospital, this wonderful man offered to drive me to the hospital any time I wanted to see David and my mother there.
We went twice.
The first time, David was not entirely there, slipping in and out of consciousness, rambling nonsense with a couple moments of clarity, enough to tell me he loved me, that he wanted a hug, and how beautiful the thinks I am.
But the second time, he pulled a fast one on all of us.
He had my friend sit down and interviewed him.
I had never asked him to do such a thing.
At the end of his "interview", David reached out his hand to my friend and gave not only his approval for him to date me, but his blessing.
Three days later, he passed away.
Two days after that, on April 11th, 2011, I started dating my best friend Jonathan.
I don't think it is possible for me to express what an interesting conundrum it is to lose one incredible man in my life and gain another in the span of a few days.
But, I am incredibly blessed none the less.
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Stupid Question
About three weeks I got my hairs cut.
And by that, I mean there was about 8 inches more of my hair on my head three weeks ago than there is now.
So, what amazes me is one simple question that I have been asked so many times since that day.
Did you get your hair cut?
So often I just want to turn the question around and ask them, "I don't know, did I get my hair cut???"
But I respond with a cordial, "Yes I did!" and a smile.
It's all I can do from pointing out the stupidity of the previous question...
And by that, I mean there was about 8 inches more of my hair on my head three weeks ago than there is now.
So, what amazes me is one simple question that I have been asked so many times since that day.
Did you get your hair cut?
So often I just want to turn the question around and ask them, "I don't know, did I get my hair cut???"
But I respond with a cordial, "Yes I did!" and a smile.
It's all I can do from pointing out the stupidity of the previous question...
Sunday, March 13, 2011
How Bad Do You Want It?
It is March.
It is March of my Junior year of undergraduate studies.
My undergraduate work is coming to a close.
Much faster than I thought it would.
It seems crazy that in just a little over a year I will be leaving this place.
I have been looking more into graduate programs and thinking more about what I really want to make out of my life, and a question keeps coming up in my head.
How badly do you want it?
You may be thinking, "Paige, what do you mean by "it"?"
It is my future.
It is my doctorate in psychology.
It is what I want to do.
It is everything that I am working and striving towards.
It is my desire to go to the University of Rochester.
How badly do you want it?
Are you willing to give up time with friends to get it?
Are you willing to do extra work to get it?
Are you willing to push yourself that much harder to get it?
How badly do you want it?
This question resonated in me recently when I received an email from the head of the psychology department here asking a couple different psychology majors if we would like to help out with some of the leg work for a professor who is in the process of getting published right now.
The question of, "Are you willing to sacrifice up to 40 hours of the next few weeks to help with this project?" was raised in the email.
No credit is being offered for my time.
No grade will be given.
So, what is the purpose of it?
In psychology, everything is in being published.
If you can write on a resume that you have helped out with research, that you have been published, that you have even done the leg work for a publication, you place yourself that much higher.
You look that much more appealing to graduate schools.
You have that much better of a chance to get into the competitive program that you desire to get into.
How badly do you want it?
My answer was that I want it bad.
I want to go to UofR.
I want to get that PhD in Clinical Psychology.
I want to succeed.
I want to shine brightly in an area that does not have many Christians.
And I am going to do it.
Get ready to watch me fly.
It is March of my Junior year of undergraduate studies.
My undergraduate work is coming to a close.
Much faster than I thought it would.
It seems crazy that in just a little over a year I will be leaving this place.
I have been looking more into graduate programs and thinking more about what I really want to make out of my life, and a question keeps coming up in my head.
How badly do you want it?
You may be thinking, "Paige, what do you mean by "it"?"
It is my future.
It is my doctorate in psychology.
It is what I want to do.
It is everything that I am working and striving towards.
It is my desire to go to the University of Rochester.
How badly do you want it?
Are you willing to give up time with friends to get it?
Are you willing to do extra work to get it?
Are you willing to push yourself that much harder to get it?
How badly do you want it?
This question resonated in me recently when I received an email from the head of the psychology department here asking a couple different psychology majors if we would like to help out with some of the leg work for a professor who is in the process of getting published right now.
The question of, "Are you willing to sacrifice up to 40 hours of the next few weeks to help with this project?" was raised in the email.
No credit is being offered for my time.
No grade will be given.
So, what is the purpose of it?
In psychology, everything is in being published.
If you can write on a resume that you have helped out with research, that you have been published, that you have even done the leg work for a publication, you place yourself that much higher.
You look that much more appealing to graduate schools.
You have that much better of a chance to get into the competitive program that you desire to get into.
How badly do you want it?
My answer was that I want it bad.
I want to go to UofR.
I want to get that PhD in Clinical Psychology.
I want to succeed.
I want to shine brightly in an area that does not have many Christians.
And I am going to do it.
Get ready to watch me fly.
Friday, February 18, 2011
Home Again
Home again, home again... How I long to be home again...
When I first came to college, I had this aversion to spending time at home.
I think I was afraid that if I went home, I was not going to want to go back to school, that I would start to slip back into how life used to be and I would give up on my dreams and passions, the things that I fight to hold on to.
I cannot truly say for certain that this is what kept me from the farm house in my home town, so separate from the rest of the world, but looking back from where I stand now, I can see how that could very well be my subconscious thought at that time in my life.
Now I view home differently.
This little old farm house that I now sit in, surrounded by fields, buffeted so strongly by the wind that my bed shakes ever so slightly, has become a sanctuary for me.
When I need a reprieve from life, when I need to rejuvenate myself body, mind, and spirit, it is the place that I long to run to.
And I hope to keep my parent's house just that way.
It will always be a place of peace and sanctuary in my mind.
Tonight, I stepped out on the back patio for just a few minutes to enjoy the (relatively) warm breeze and stare up at the stars.
I cannot see the stars when I am at school... At least not in the same way.
They're dull, blurred out, faded from the city lights.
But tonight, standing out on the back patio, the wind whipping around me, tossing my hair everywhere, I was able to see them so clearly, and for a moment, all the stress that has been on me, all the planning for my future, all the interviews, all the applications, all the disappointments, everything just melted away.
It was just me and the sky.
It was just me and God
And for a minute, I was reminded of how blessed I am to have a God who loves me so much that he tailor made that specific moment to romance my heart, to say, I'm still here, I haven't left, lean on Me this next week, regain your strength from Me...
Mmmm....
I get so caught up in life that I stop letting Him romance me.
He is my God, my father, my friend.... my lover.
Maybe I'll save that concept for another post.
For now, I am simply glad to be home to rest, relax, and destress.
Home again, home again... How glad I am to be home again.
When I first came to college, I had this aversion to spending time at home.
I think I was afraid that if I went home, I was not going to want to go back to school, that I would start to slip back into how life used to be and I would give up on my dreams and passions, the things that I fight to hold on to.
I cannot truly say for certain that this is what kept me from the farm house in my home town, so separate from the rest of the world, but looking back from where I stand now, I can see how that could very well be my subconscious thought at that time in my life.
Now I view home differently.
This little old farm house that I now sit in, surrounded by fields, buffeted so strongly by the wind that my bed shakes ever so slightly, has become a sanctuary for me.
When I need a reprieve from life, when I need to rejuvenate myself body, mind, and spirit, it is the place that I long to run to.
And I hope to keep my parent's house just that way.
It will always be a place of peace and sanctuary in my mind.
Tonight, I stepped out on the back patio for just a few minutes to enjoy the (relatively) warm breeze and stare up at the stars.
I cannot see the stars when I am at school... At least not in the same way.
They're dull, blurred out, faded from the city lights.
But tonight, standing out on the back patio, the wind whipping around me, tossing my hair everywhere, I was able to see them so clearly, and for a moment, all the stress that has been on me, all the planning for my future, all the interviews, all the applications, all the disappointments, everything just melted away.
It was just me and the sky.
It was just me and God
And for a minute, I was reminded of how blessed I am to have a God who loves me so much that he tailor made that specific moment to romance my heart, to say, I'm still here, I haven't left, lean on Me this next week, regain your strength from Me...
Mmmm....
I get so caught up in life that I stop letting Him romance me.
He is my God, my father, my friend.... my lover.
Maybe I'll save that concept for another post.
For now, I am simply glad to be home to rest, relax, and destress.
Home again, home again... How glad I am to be home again.
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