Thanksgiving 2011

It's 11:30pm on Thanksgiving.
This day that was based on the premise of being thankful is almost coming to a close.
Although Thanksgiving is probably my favorite holiday (I mean, who DOESN'T love great food, crazy family, and a reminder to give thanks) giving thanks this year was probably harder for me than it has been in a while.
Thankfulness has always been such a big part of my walk with God.
When everything else starts to look bleak and dreary, I can usually bring myself back up and make things just a little bit brighter by reminding myself of how much He has blessed me over the course of my life.
I can be thankful for the sunrise, for my job, for the cafeteria making biscotti occasionally....
But it has gotten harder for me none the less.
Even today, on a day named for thanksgiving, I found myself having to remind myself about what the day was all about.
I had to remind myself to be thankful for having a warm bed to sleep in, food on my plate, my crazy loud family, and my friends who feel more like blood.
Even my crazy spazz of a cat who brings my live mice from the basement only to let them loose in the living room and chasing them across my feet, making me scream like a little girl.
True story.
I really am a girl.
But, I think it's simply part of the grieving process that I'm walking through.
I need to remind myself to do things that I used to do out of nature, slowly building them back up into my daily routine.
Thanksgiving was just another reminder of how much I need to continue to grow, continue to press on, continue to heal, and continue to become more like God.
And just a blaring reminder of how much I truly need Him.
I guess that's the biggest thing that I can be thankful for this year.
No matter what happens, my God is good.
My saying, although I have not posted it hear before, my saying these past few months to a year has been "Shit happens, but God is good."
(Maybe I should write a post about my view of swearing...)
Anyhoo....
God is good.
He is so good.
And for that, I am eternally grateful.

Ambushed

The waves of grief can often be described as being ambushed.
I've heard this so many times over the past 7 months or so, that it's almost become cliched in a way, and yet, it is still true to the very core of the statement.
You never know when another wave of grief is going to hit you.
Tonight, I was at Java's with a big group of friends; we were all laughing and carrying on as we always do.
Then, another friend of ours came in with a different group of people.
She began talking about how she had been sick off and on for the past few months, and in a joking manner, commented on how she had been cured of tuberculosis, encephalitis, cancer, etc.
But it was the encephalitis comment that caused my joy and entertainment to come to a screeching halt.
How could someone make such a flippant comment about encephalitis???
I had already been missing David today, wishing that he could come to my play this afternoon, but that comment, it just sent me over the edge.
I'm sure that the life drained out of my face immediately.
If I hadn't been sitting on the inside of a booth, and if I would not have had to displace about four people, I would have gotten up, gone to the bathroom, and cried.
But I held it together.
I sat in that booth, and tried to pull myself back together when all I wanted to do was scream out about how people should not make flippant comments about encephalitis.
I guess it's just another area where I have continued healing to do.