Sunday, November 28, 2010

Cold Library

I have just returned from Thanksgiving break, and I have been working on homework all afternoon in the library.
There's only one problem.....
The library is FRRREEEEEEZING!!!
I decided that the best course of action was to grab a blanket and make due.
I get more homework done in the library than my room, and I figured it better to deal with the cold than unfinished homework.
Oh the joys of college!

Friday, November 26, 2010


Yesterday was Thanksgiving, and, if I were to be completely honest with you, I think I missed the purpose of it this year.
You are suppose to spend Thanksgiving thinking about all the things that you should be thankful for, but I don't think I did that.
I seemed to be more preoccupied with what I was doing, and spending time with my family rather than meditating on how immensely blessed I am.
I remember this summer how I was thinking about how there is such a lack of thankfulness in the church, and how, especially young adult Christians, take their blessings for granted. And this bothered me immensely.
Now don't get me wrong, this still hits me straight in the gut when I think about how we are ungrateful, but it amazes me how I've begun to slip back into this cycle of ungratefulness, so much so that I did not even take the time on the day that we set aside for simply giving thanks to be thankful for everything that I have been given in this life.
Maybe I have been desensitized to just how blessed I am.
Maybe I need a renewed revelation of just how much God gave up for me.
Maybe I need to find the disconnect in my own life.
I have been given a warm place to live, three hot meals a day, more clothes than any one girl needs, a shower and more cosmetics than I could ever use.
I have been given a loving family, amazing friends, and a wonderful school.
I am going to a better college than I could have ever wished for, I'm finding more connections to the grad-school I want to go to every day, and I'm graduating a year early from undergrad.
I have a savior who died in my place.
How could I miss all of these things in my life?
How could I miss them on the day meant to be thankful for them?
I guess a day late is better than not at all.
Guess it's just one more thing that I need God to constantly renew in me.

Thursday, November 25, 2010


It's a dangerous thing.
You never know where it could lead you.
As of lately, it has lead me down a road of rhetorical questions that I can do nothing more than mull over, and maybe discuss theologically with some of my Roberts fam once I get back to R-town.
But for the time being, I am working on a blog of these theoretical questions, and I think when I'm done it'll be one of my "cooler" blogs.
Well, if not "cooler", we'll just call it "more artistic"... or as artistic as I can be ;)
Anyways, just thought I'd give you an update on that, and give you something to look forward to.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Toeing the Line

I was ruminating on beauty today....
(I know it's something that has been coming up in my blog a lot lately, but I feel that, especially for my generation of women, it is something that we do not know the true meaning of.)
and a thought popped into my mind that has been eating at me ever since.
It seems there is a fine line that most women need to walk along, a line that we usually fall on one side or the other with.
On one side is the thought, I am not beautiful, there is nothing appealing about me, no guy would ever be attracted to me.
But on the flip side is the thought, I am the best thing to come into this world, I am gorgeous, all the men fall over me, I deserve their attention.
Most of us fall within some variation of these two extremes, but I think that there is a fine line that we must find between the two.
You see, with the thought that I am not beautiful, there is almost a carelessness. Since the girl who falls on that side of the line does not think that any guy could ever be attracted to her, she does not take the care to protect herself from potentially dangerous situations. Guys who do think she's beautiful are lead on by her, guys who would potentially do things to this girl, but because she does not believe that they could be attracted to her, she does not put in the effort to safeguard herself. This is not a good place to be in for any woman.
But, with the thought that I am gorgeous and deserve your attention comes a conceitedness that is not attractive to any respectable man. Sure, guys may initially fall all over someone like this, but this girl is incapable of holding onto a worth-while relationship. She is always better than the guy, and he gets sick of it fast. Although she protects herself from creeps and the "dangerous types", it is still not a good place to be.
Just like the rest of life, beauty is a juggling act.
You have to have enough self-respect, enough dignity to not subjugate yourself to unworthy males.
I have the belief that every girl is beautiful, and therefore should hold themselves to a high standard such as this.
But, at the same time you have to be humble.
Know that you are beautiful, but don't flaunt it to the extreme.
Now, when reflecting on this revelation and how it applies to myself, I know I am nowheres near enough to being on that line as I should be. There are days when I know I do not have the level of self respect that I should have, and yet, as funny as this may sound, there are other days where I find myself being extremely vain and conceited.
However, I do believe that the closer I get to God, the more intently I learn and believe who He says I am, the closer I will get to that line.
I'm not perfect, but God is, and I pray that He helps me get to that line someday.

Falling in Love with You

This morning as I was getting ready for church, I had my Nat King Cole station on Pandora playing and the song, "Can't Help Falling In Love With You" by Elvis Presley came on. I didn't think anything of it, but kept listening to the station and then headed out to church.
We had communion in service today, and as I'm sitting there praying before going up to take communion, the song popped into my head.

Take my hand, take my whole life too...
For I can't help falling in love with you....

It was almost like God was reassuring me. No matter what, He can't help falling in love with me. I may be frustrating sometimes, and I mess up more than He'd like, but He loves me, and everyday He falls in love with me again. I guess I just have to follow after the heart of God.

Friday, November 19, 2010


Ever feel like when you're younger there's all this cool stuff going on that you want to be part of and can't wait until you're older to participate, but then when you get older, it's all over?
When I was younger, that's exactly how I felt.
My uncle had this ska band called 5Head that was always playing shows around Rochester, and I couldn't wait until I was older to go to these concerts.
But, as these things often do, the band broke up when I was only 10.
I was upset, but as I got older and became more interested in music and the arts, I began to realize just what I had missed out on as a child.
I wanted to go back and participate, just like anyone would want to. I knew I would never get to go to a 5Head concert, and I eventually resolved this desire in my heart and accepted it.
That was until my mother called me this summer and informed me of a rumor about a potential 5Head reunion concert this fall.
That spark was reignited in me, this hope to go to a 5Head concert! Was it possible?
Sure enough, a month or two later it was officially announced... November 19th 5Head was having a reunion concert at one of the main music halls in Rochester!
So, all day today I've been stoked! The time cannot pass fast enough, and I'm all ready rock it out to 5Heads crazy sound!
Another update to come post-show! :D

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Don't Judge

I slept on the floor of the library today.
Sometimes I think I look like I'm homeless.
I drink too much coffee.
I wear too much make up.
I love too freely.
I trust too restrictedly.
I get angry too easily.
I often wear clashing patterns at the same time.
I shop mostly at thrift stores.
I don't show emotion easily.
Sometimes I get hurt and people don't even know it.
I have a Strongbad patch on my backpack.
I don't read my bible nearly enough.
I want to be loved.
I wish I was more artistic.
I'm not an A+ student, although I wish I was.
I seclude myself from people, then become lonely when there's no one around.
I sometimes jump to conclusions too quickly.
I procrastinate too much.
I wish I could sit on a rooftop at watch the stars when it's cloudy then don't take advantage of it when it's clear.
I slept on the library floor today.
I'm not perfect and I'll never try to be something that I'm not.
Don't judge, but love me for who I am :)

Sunday, November 14, 2010

What Coffee are You?

I was looking at the descriptions to some different kinds of coffees earlier today, and I found it comical how some of them were described.

Here are some examples:
Kenya AB -- A very bright, medium bodied coffee with lively citrus topnotes.
Brazil Tres Fazendas -- A rich, smooth, heavy bodied organic coffee.
Organic Dragon -- A gentle, heavy bodied coffee with silky texture, sweet-spice flavor and a clean, rich finish.

This sparked an idea in me.
What would my description be if I were a coffee?
Would someone describe me as "Bright, and sweet," or would someone look at me and say "Dull and bitter"?
Is how I am living my life in a way that people see me as a "very good cup of coffee"?
So many times I think we go through life not thinking about how other perceive us, and although how they see us should not consume us, we should still live our lives in a Christlike fashion.
I guess it all just goes back to concept I was talking about last week, how we need to love others as Christ loves us.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Need to be Loved

I realized that I am a hippie in a certain sense. I just want to give and receive love.
When it comes down to it, it seems as if so many of the problems in this world stem from love, or rather a lack of love.
That is the whole reason I am going into psychology.
I want people who do not think they are loved realize that they are.
I was thinking about this today and had a realization of how unloving Christians can be sometimes. It all turns into a "get everybody saved as quick as possible" thing, and so often love gets overlooked.
I was reminded of a kid from my high school who felt like no one loved him and because of this, he killed himself this past spring.
People did not express to him the love of God.
I remember how only a week or two after he left I was at a bonfire with a couple of my Christian friends when another person brought up his death. They somehow had heard about it from another source, someone who did not know this boy personally. They began to talk about how if he had just been preached the gospel, he would not have killed himself.
Now, I knew this boy, and from what I knew about him, if he had been preached the gospel, he would have rejected it so fast because he had not been showed love.
It bothered me.
I spoke out about how he did not need the gospel when he died, but rather he just needed to be loved.
We need to show people the love of God more than we need to preach at them.
So often preaching at people does nothing more than drive them away, but if you simply love them for who they are, love them where they are at, just as Jesus did, they will be more attracted to the gospel.
As St. Francis of Assisi said, "Preach the gospel always and if necessary use words."
Show the unlovable God's love.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

That Which is Better

I long to be with my Creator.
That simple statement is what I wish to define my life.
I want to desire Him to the extent that I commune with Him every second of every day.
I want to desire His word above anything else.
I want to desire prayer more than any trivial conversation I can have with people of this Earth.
Some days my longing to be with Him is so strong that it rises up from my core.
Some days I cry out to Him in prayer asking why He left me here, why I can't be in Heaven NOW.

Recently I was reading in Paul's letter to the Philippians and it said this:
For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.

As Christians, we all need to be desiring home.
But at the same time, God has placed us here at this particular time for a specific reason.
I know I am here until He calls me home to make the best of my time.
I need to be here for the people that I will impact, and I need to do my best to make the impact that God wants me to.