Tuesday, February 1, 2011

Top Four Reasons Why "Christian Dating" Sucks

I wrote this back in September, and just recently found it again. When I read it, I thought it might be fun to share! Enjoy!

Have you ever seen that Christian couple that is "waiting for God to give them the go-ahead" on their relationship? They say they're not dating --they would NEVER move faster than God!-- but they talk to/about each other all the time, they go places together, and they talk about how their partner is the "type of person they want to marry". These are the "Christian daters", and I was one of them for FAR too long. From my experiences, I have compiled a list of the top four reasons why Christian dating sucks.

4. What do you call them when you're not "together" anymore? That oh so awkward topic of ex's is made that much more complex by the fact that they don't really fall into the exact category of ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend. If you don't get it, here's an example:
Paige - "You'll NEVER believe who I ran into the other night!"
Friend - "You're right, just tell me."
Paige - "My friend... Well, my... This guy I basically dated for like 6 months of my life."
Yeah, let's just avoid the awkwardness and just stick to calling the kettle black.

3. You think you're being "quiet" about it, but everyone knows. C'mon.... Do you REALLY think people are THAT stupid?! Trust me! I've been there! You think, oh, we won't tell any body! We'll keep it real quiet, real secret so when we finally come out with it, everyone will be super happy for us! Yeah... If it only worked that way! If people are around you, they're going to hear you talk about the person, see you light up when he/she comes around, and will be able to tell that you genuinely want to be near them. All these clear indicators point to only one option, you're "dating" without the title.

2. You distance yourself from God. Huh? God DESTINED us to be together! Hah! If God ordained you two to be together, you would not feel the need to keep it a secret, and you'd just commit to each other. Essentially, when you "Christian date," you are putting your feelings and your own selfish desires, along with the other person in the relationship ahead of God. You are putting God second and He does not bless anything that puts Him second. Focus yourself on God, seek after His heart above all else, pray for your future spouse, and God will bless you in more ways than you can imagine, just not necessarily in the ways that you think.

1. Lack of commitment. When you are just Christian dating, there is no title, as I previously stated. And that means that when one party wants out of the not-relationship, they can get off scott-free with none of the messy breakup stuff! ...Or so it seems. It actually creates more problems for the party who is essentially being ditched. They don't know if they did something, or if the other party simply got bored with them. Either way, it's a horrible thing to do to someone or have done to you. I'm not saying that placing the title of girlfriend or boyfriend on someone will automatically give them the common courtesy of telling you why they want out of the relationship, but it will institute more reasons of why they should.

NOTE: I am in no way saying that people should not wait to date. It is my strong belief that you need to make sure that it is God's will for you to be with someone before you start dating them, but at the same time, if you think you are supposed to be with someone, don't go sneaking around acting like you're dating when you say that you're not.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Paige, this is so true! And I don't mean to sound like a creep, but I love reading your blog. It's interesting to hear about Roberts life from someone else's point of view!

Jill Hinton said...

i agree with most of what you said, Paige, but i don't know if calling it "Christian Dating" really pinpoints the label it deserves.

i've seen that vague dating-but-not-dating relationship over and over and over again at LCS and Elim. i think the principles need to be more reinforced by the Church, instead of the methods.

but i still like your blog and what you have to say :)

Amanda @ notsoextraordinary said...

just tellin it like it is! seriously, you're totally right on this :)

Paige said...

Thanks for the thought Jill!
I more used the term "Christian dating" because I feel as though it happens most in the Christian realm and was attempting to do a satirical look at my own and other people's experiences within that same area. I also wanted it to engage Christians and get them thinking and hopefully growing :)

Sabrina said...

Hey Paige it's Sabrina Gauer! I just found this and wanted to say YOU ARE SO RIGHT and I've done this too!!! It's ridiculous...and in my personal experience, it has always led to the guy using God as his crutch on his way out "You know I love you...but I really feel like God is pointing me a new direction, a new focus.." aka another girl lol.

God has got to be the center of everything you do, but I think we use him as an excuse to often in areas such as dating. Good thoughts!

Unknown said...

Thanks for sharing. I'm learning lots from your post. ;) Christian dating is quite a tough phase for teens most of the times.