Re-Branding

I have been dissatisfied with the name of my blog for quite some time now.
When I first felt the shift happening from a focus on what I DID while I was in college to the things that I felt God speaking to me and those around me, I began to feel like "The College Life" as no longer an adequate title.
I mulled over a couple different options, and, in an attempt to be witty or poetic or something, I settled on "Amalgamated Epoch," meaning something along the lines of "a mixed amount of time".
I thought I was cool for about the duration of an hour or so.
Then I realized how stupid that sounded.
Bringing me back to square one.
What is this blog about?
Me?
Not really.
It's more about God and the things He does in my life.
It struck me the other night what I should call this blog.
Nothing Is Real
It is a concept that I have been mulling over for over a year now.
The idea that as a Christian, I need to make Heaven, and the concept of bring Heaven to Earth, so real, so solidified in my mind that everything else around me does not seem quite so real anymore.
And that's my true desire for this project.
To get people looking forwards to Heaven.

A Different Me

Why is it that we act differently around different friends?
Or rather, why is it that when I am around friends who I have not been around a lot, I feel as though I have to act like the Paige I used to be and not the Paige I am now?
I have grown in so many different aspects over the last year or so, but I feel as if when I go around my friends that I do not have to opportunity of seeing as often as I would like, I have to revert to who I was when I left for college. What am I afraid of?
I know that those who truly loved me for who I was will still love me no matter what I become, and yet I fear that they will reject me now.
It's funny... I'm so much more confident in who I am, as if I am finally starting to come into more of the fullness of who I truly am; accepting that it's okay to let who I really am out. I think the people who have watch me grow though my college experiences thus-far can see this in me. And yet, I am not confident in myself whatsoever when confronted with friends that I don't see as much.
I guess it's just something that God is going to have to help me grow through.

Continuing to Redefine Beauty

Funny that right after I did my week without makeup, I find an article about a club at a Texas high school that does the same thing!
Thought I should share.

http://www.stylelist.com/2010/10/08/texas-high-schoolers-makeup-free-redefining-beautiful-club/

Continue to stand strong, and keep redefining beauty.

Over Worked... Under Appreciated

Something that I've been noticing more in life is how it is often the little things that we do, or don't do, that make the biggest impact on the lives of those around us.

One of these things is simply letting those we love know how much we appreciate them.

It's so simple, yet so few of us truly let those we love know how much they mean to us. 

How often do you hear someone talk about a family member who died and they talk about how they regret never letting their loved one know how much they truly appreciated everything they did for them? Far too many for sure. 

And how many hurts have been caused because people do not feel appreciated? How many people have killed themselves thinking that no one noticed the work they did?

Whether you realize it or not, people are pouring out wisdom, love, time, and money from themselves to cause you to become a better person, a better Christ-follower. 

God pointed this out to me recently, and I've taken it to heart. How many of my friends, family, professors know how completely grateful I am to have them in my life? I feel as though I never fully express the depth of my gratitude to people.

One small step that I've been doing is simply stating it. Three simple words. 

I appreciate you.

I let people know when I'm thankful for their time spent with me, their input in my life, and I don't do it perfectly, but I'm growing, and I'd like to see you try to also. 

After all, I really do appreciate you!

Respite

I had the chance this weekend to get away. Something I haven't had the opportunity to do in a long time. Or even if I had the chance to get away, the time was filled with meaningless adventures that did nothing more for me than abscond with my time and leave me weary.
This time it was different. I experienced a time of refilling, a restoring of my peace and joy. I feel more wholly Paige than I did when I left Friday afternoon.
My family and I headed down to a cottage on Keuka lake, time there given to us as a blessing from friends of the family. The hills surrounding the lake were in full autumn colours, something more beautiful than I can describe to you in mere words or pictures. It was a place filled with God's peace, and I was simply able to rest. It was something I needed more than I even realized.
I left my laptop at school. I shut my cell phone off the minute I left campus. There was no tv. I barely used my ipod. To some people, this would sound torturous, but I could think of nothing better this weekend. After everything I have been through, especially in the past week or so, it was wonderful to disconnect from life. Or rather what we as modern day human call life.
I reconnect with the true life. God. And now, I feel ready to get back to the wear of school. I have the strength to continue on, to fight the good fight.

Hope

Eleven Hundred

If you were given a bank card number and pin, and were allowed to spend $1100 anywhere, where would you spend it? An expensive boutique clothing store? At BestBuy on a tv? How about Kmart? No? Not Kmart?
Well then, YOU, my friend, are a higher class citizen than someone who steals a college student's card and pin number!
I went to withdraw $20 out of the ATM this morning, only to discover that there was a little over $1000 missing out of my checking account. I was obviously worried, scared, anxious, and a little bit angry. I called my bank, only to be put on hold for 20 minutes. I didn't have time. I went to class, stressing out the entire time I was there. When I got out of class, I biked down to the nearest bank of mine, and sat down with their customer service. An hour and a half later, I walked out knowing that someone had taken my card number and pin number, made a fake version of my card, and spent over a thousand dollars in Virginia Beach, most of that at a Kmart. Lucky for me, my bank is reimbursing all that money tomorrow, and they're giving me a new debit card with a new pin number.
Needless to say, it was quite a stressful day and I'm very ready for the break I get this weekend.

Redefining Beauty

What do we consider beauty to be?
I typed beauty into Google images and these are some of the things that came up:

Is it the perfect body? Being skinny and tan? Plump lips, prominent cheekbones, small nose, big eyes? Perfect teeth and hair? Eyebrows waxed, nails shaped? Makeup done up just right every day? Elegant clothing?
By these standards, who can be beautiful?
I know I'm certainly not beautiful by the worlds standards. But I try to be so often, and that is where I get into trouble.
We've made beauty, more accurately vanity, a god in our society. It is unattainable, and so many women are trapped into the rut of trying to reach that nirvana of beauty. We pluck, and trim, shape, wax, and starve ourselves to be something that we cannot be.
And I know at times I fall into this myself.
I wear a lot of makeup, and I know that sometimes this can become a vice for me. I get anxious about people seeing me without makeup, and God forbid I go anywhere without it! What would people think if they saw what I really looked like? It's a way for me to cover up my insecurities, to hide from the world behind a mask of sorts.
So, I decided to do an experiment. Can I go a week at school without makeup?
I'm on day three of this little experiment, and I've already gotten a variety of comments.
"You look nice without all that makeup!"
"...Are you feeling well?"
"You look horrible, you should get more sleep!"
"You know, your feminine features come out more without makeup."
It is interesting, if nothing else, how people react to it. I guess I need to just continually reminding myself that God made me beautiful, whether that beauty matches the world's standards or not.

Makeup vs. No Makeup

1 Peter 3:3-4 "Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner-self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight."

Actual Conversation

*Insert Ringtone*
Paige - "Hello?"
Voice - "Hello. Keep listening for what the government does not want you to hear about free health care."
Paige - *Hangs up*

 ....HOW THE HECK DO THEY GET MY CELL PHONE NUMBER?!?

When the Darkness Has Robbed You of All Your Sight....

God's been testing me lately.
Will I trust Him with everything?
Do I truly believe that He will provide for me?
Can He really be my everything?
It's a test that we all have to go through at some point or another.
And it's painful.
It sucks.
You feel alone. You feel like you're stumbling around in the dark. When you need people the most, they're not there.
But...
I know my God is good. I know my God loves me. I know my God will take care of me.
I KNOW all of this.
But what I am going through is the translation of knowing to believing. 
I know what I know about God, but do I really believe that God is there?
If someone asked me this, I would say yes in a heartbeat.
I just need to hold on to this certainty, this absolute truth that He IS there, especially in the trials and rough patches.
I will not be shaken. I will not be moved.